THE CAPE CRUSADER Issue 3: ‘A Cold Weather Tonic’
Well boys and girls it’s been an eventful last few weeks in Cape Town and I’m not too sure where to begin. I think the last time I wrote to you all I was looking forward to putting my brain back into gear and begin working for Woolies.
I arrived for my first day of work wearing a rather smart suite that was a completely wasted effort because almost everyone in the office was wearing flip-flops and t-shirts. I overcame my initial embarrassment and set about reading what I think has to be the longest corporate introduction in the world. I’m not the world’s quickest reader and I’m positive I finished all three Lord of the Rings novels in a less time. When you work for the man they really do stipulate everything from which side of the corridor you should walk on to precisely how many pancakes you can have for breakfast. It wasn’t all doom and gloom, some of the chapters were very enlightening, particularly the chapters on corporate ethics and responsible business. Listen to me! I sound like I’ve sold out to the man already, someone needs to hang me upside down and give me a f**king good shake. Tim? Better still, put a pillow over my head, announce; “this is not an exercise” then torture me with hair straighteners and peanut butter for three days. Whatever it takes we will get the truth about how interesting that book really was. Turns out the book’s more useful for reference than anything else, someone could have told me, it’s the kind of embarrassing mistake Jeremy would make. Truthfully the bungee cord is attached to the bridge, just jump and it’ll be fine – right, ok, Geronimo….
I think if I talk about work much more I’ll bore myself into a psychotic episode buy a gun on e-bay and take to the streets on a relentless killing spree. Seriously though I’m very happy with what I’m doing and have few regrets about taking up a position abroad. I know it’s still early days but I’m confident that I’ll be happy working at Woolies. Unfortunately there have been a few cock-ups with my work permit that has resulted in me being unable to work full time. I’ve had to suspend my contract and work on a freelance basis until it arrives. It’s not too serious, just a slight technical hitch that should be smoothed over in January, incidentally by which point I’ll be an illegal alien? Oh it’s fun and games trying to get things sorted out here. It gets better, whoever talked about the cogs of big businesses running smoothly was lying out of their teeth and if you think our government sucks then you should check out the poor excuse there is for governance in SA. I think the office of home affairs is a fictitious institution and that I’m really talking to a woman that works in a meatpacking factory during the night and earns extra money during the day answering phone calls from strange English people who’ve baked up this insane idea they want to work in South Africa. In one conversation I had with them I was asked if I existed! I think the lady was genuinely satisfied when I told her I was an actually an apparition.
So anyway, as you may have gathered, life isn’t without its complications at the moment. Because I’m only working on a freelance basis for Woolies I’ve fostered a few new contacts and begun doing a little work for Team-talk in the UK. If you aren’t aware, they run all sorts of sports information sites on the Internet. You may be wondering why on earth I’m working more than I have to? Especially when I could be sitting on the beach taking in the rays during my spare time. The answer is free tickets to sports events in Cape Town and a serious case of fraud that f**ked my bank balance. Asides from that I’ve also started work on a re-branding exercise for one of their sites called www.sports.co.uk, so if you’ve got time you can check out the progress.
In the time I have had to myself I’ve continued to indulge in the best of what Cape Town has to offer. Obviously I’ve been out for all sorts of work related events and Errol my manager hasn’t listen to any sh*t excuses for not drinking JaegerBombs (Jaegermeister and Redbull), a truly revolting drink that kicks ten bells out of you when you hit double figures. I was so hammered one night that I bounced off every wall and lamppost on the walk home and woke up in the morning to find myself asleep on the patio outside my house with a yard brush for a pillow and a parasol on top of me. As you can imagine my South African flatmates didn’t let me forget that episode for a while. If anyone from the Rum party Crew wants to chastise me for not spreading the good word of the gospel they’re more than welcome because I’m willing to repent for my shameful lapse in faith and take an abstinence from JaegerBombs for life. In my defence I have been spreading the word elsewhere and now have my flatmate Charlie drinking Rum and when I’m not being force fed rank concoctions by so called friends it remains the drink of choice. Viva La Rum Fiesta!
3 weeks ago I went to a place called Robertson about 3hr out of Cape Town. It’s in the mountains and sort of resembles The Lake District. Lane, Kat, Rob and I camped out for the weekend by the side of this huge lake. On both nights we had Braai’s and sat around talking until the embers of the fire finally went out. During the daytime we basked in the heat and went swimming in the lake to cool down. It has to count as one of the most relaxing breaks I’ve ever been on and makes me want to leave the confines of the city more regularly. I’ve also found the best beach ever about 20min drive away in Hout Bay. A friend Danny goes there regularly so I catch a lift with him. There’s great surf and a generous helping of capetownian beauties to distract me as I while away the time building castles with my bucket and spade. Out of interest what’s the weather like at home?:-) On December 1st I’m moving out of my House to a place closer to the city centre. I’ll only be a 10min walk from work. In the last month I’ve been cycling 40mins to town and to be honest what with the heat, it’s knackered the sh*t out of me. There’s a load more to say but I think I’ve probably bored you all to tears by now so I’ll send something again before Christmas.
I hope everyone’s well and enjoying life. Let me know what you’re all up to, I do send personal e-mails???? Don’t let the cold weather get you down!!!
Loads of love and all the best people
Al
posted by Cape Cornetto @ 10:54 AM
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